Dear God, Please Fix My Dad - Sermon Notes | Bible Baptist Church of Ballincollig

Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
What an amazing commandment!
The Bible does not say love your father and mother.
It says to honour them.
And that means you must learn how to honour them, even though you may be struggling to love them.
And that goes for everybody.
We are commanded to love one another, and love our families…
But before we even love one another, the Bible commands us to honour one another and prefer one another and respect one another. Think of them before we think of ourselves
THAT is the Christian way
But, as a pastor, I deal with a lot of people who have never learned even the smallest amount of respect.

People are just rude to each other - both behind people’s backs and even to their face
Often, I hear such rude statements about other Christians - fault-finding, critical spirit
About the Irish government, about Gardi, about rich people, employers

And those rude people probably have never learned to respect anyone
All because they started to disrespect, and dis-honour their parents, and especially their father!
Here’s a brutally honest poem about Disrespect
Let God teach us all how to work with Him as He fixes our fathers, through the act of honouring them

I. Background

A. The Gift of a Father

God made Dads
Never forget that fathers were specially designed by God for one of the highest callings in the world - raising up the next generation for good!
Yes, you were a gift to both your parents, BUT…
Your Mom and your DAD are God’s amazing gift to YOU!
Without them, you are always worse off - not better!

B. The Problem with Fathers (Ecclessiastes 7:20)

There is a deep problem with fathers
Ecclessiastes 7:20 For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
Most men want to be good fathers, good men
But we Dads often fail at being good fathers

Maybe your father was constantly angry, a drunkard, struggled with depression, broke up with your Mom, battled drug abuse, was a work-a-holic, never was there for you…
We men can end up hurting the very people we want to love and care for
Fathers throughout time have just about everyone down
The Bible says, at our best state, we men are vain.
At our best, we men are self-centred, sinful, proud, arrogant, egotistical, sometimes cruel and hurtful, mean, and almost totally blind to it all!
Every man at some point in their lives has lied, stolen, disrespected, dishonoured, lusted, coveted, blasphemed the name of God, disobeyed the clear will of God, held onto and served idols of our own making

We are all very guilty before God, and it’s amazing we don’t collapse in our own shame!

C. But some of us men have had the priceless privilege of being called Da da, Papa, Daddy!

Even though we are failures far beyond what we are willing to admit…
We have had the joy of being a Dad
Holding in our arms the awesome gift of a child, and the responsibilities that go with being a father
So what does God say do with a flawed father?

D. The Miraculous Repair of a Father (Malachi 4:5,6)

God has the best way
Feminists will not like what this Bible says to do
The devil will hate this message
Your own flesh and rebellious spirit will fight these instructions
But there is only one way to fix your Dad and make him great…

“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” - Malachi 4:5,6
It is NOT being angry against your father, arguing, fighting, criticizing, manipulating a man is counterproductive
It is to actually, consistently Honour him. Respect him for being your Dad.
That is the only way!

II. Message - The Act of Honouring Your dad

A. The Meaning of Honouring

It means to make heavy. To treat as heavy. And having substance.
It means burdensome - the burden is on the person doing the honouring
The opposite is to dishonour, which means to make light of, or treat as small and trivial.
To honour someone means to express their worth and their value to you.
To direct the praise and attention of everyone around onto your father for something, instead of on yourself

You play a musical instrument - maybe your mother made you take lessons - make sure when someone says you play very well that you redirect the praise to your mother
You have a good score in maths - maybe your father took time to explain things to you - when someone says you sure are smart, you need to say something like, I got it from my dad!
That is honouring your parents

B. The Purpose of Honouring Your Dad (Deuteronomy 5:16)

“Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee” - Deuteronomy 5:16
It is the First Commandment towards people.

The first four commandments keep us right with God
The second six commandments keep us right with other people

Honour and respect are the foundation of all relationships
And it begins at your home - as early as possible
Every one of us needed to be taught to honour our parents
We all needed to be MADE to honour people in authority over us - to give honour to those to whom it is due - that you are supposed to give it to

Romans 13:7 Render [GIVE] therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour.
“Yes Sir, Yes Ma’am, Get the door for Mom, Let your sister go first…”
“You are never allowed to talk to your mother that way…”
“You get up and let someone else sit there…”
“Please, Thank you, May I…”

And a long life is promised to you if you do this
But what if you didn’t learn respect from our parents?

God still commands us to honour our parents
And to do it, whether it comes easily are comes hard

Unfortunately, the only people who are honoured in most homes are spoiled, bratty children who are given everything they want and are catered to at every whim! While Dad is often made fun of, and talked bad about, and ignored
Never forget that Jesus Christ expects us to honour our fathers - no exceptions
“But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition? For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death” - Matthew 15:3,4
Jesus made honouring your father quite serious!

C. The Cost of Honouring

Honour must be given to people, especially dads, even when it is hard to do.
Honour does not come from feelings.
It is not something we usually do naturally
And does not come from admiration

It does not come out of awe for your dad because of how great he is
Or how “good” he is, or how kind he is

It comes by obligation. It is what is due him, simply because he is your Dad
Yes, honour ultimately needs to be earned by men and can be lost by our fathers…
But God makes it the responsibility of the person WHO has a father to honour their father, even if the father has lost your trust, and failed deeply in being a good father.

D. Who’s told to give honour?

All of us - Boys, girls, teenagers, men and women, grandparents, and great grandparents
We all give honour, respect upwards - NOT downwards - not
All of us who have had the priviledge of having a Dad, need to honour their Dad
Even if your father is long gone - passed away - you must guard your way of thinking about him and hold him in an honourable way in your memory!

E. Honouring is an entire way of living, and as I have said, it begins at home.

There are still cultures in the world that have a deep sense of honouring and respecting their elders, their parents, their grandparents. Mainly in Asia and Africa
It’s pretty well gone in the West, and it is fading fast in the rest of the world.
It should not be so in a Christian home!

III. How To Honour Your Dad

Let’s get practical. Here are some ways to honour your father. I think I give this list every year now, because it is more needful than ever!
Listen to him - I always start with this!
Let him give you advice - I know that is hard to do, but it is how you honour him
Seek his wisdom - don’t wait for him to offer it, seek it!
Let him lead you.

Don’t be so arrogant - that goes for some of you 50-somethings!
Even if you know what you should do abvout something, pass it by “the old man”
Because it honours him

“My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:” - Proverbs 1:8
“Hearken [PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION] unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old” - Proverbs 23:22
And do what he says do if he is right!

“Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord” - Colossians 3:20
That is directed at children, probably up to 20 years of age, still living at home
But I have found that our Dads usually are smarter than we are, and are right more often than we expect him to be
And no matter how old you are, ask his advice, and if he is right, take it!
And THAT honours him! You will live longer…
And HE will be a better man, when his children seek his wisdom
“3-25 Buy the truth, and sell it not; also wisdom, and instruction, and understanding. The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice” - Proverbs 23:2

A. Spend Time with Him

The older he gets, he should not be cut out of your life
“Hearken unto thy father that begat thee, and despise not thy mother when she is old” - Proverbs 23:22
Make time just for him.
Your children need to see you honouring your father, and your father’s father
Take away your kid’s phones when you are at Grandad’s house
Just sit with him, and let him talk. (Some of us wish we could have more time with them)

I have found much of my counselling is done when I am not saying anything, but just letting other people feel free to talk, and express how they feel.
And then I bring them to God.

Your dad needs you to just give him time.

Just enjoy doing what he wants or needs to do - walking, mowing the grass, help with the hedging, the flowers, changing the oil, cleaning the shed
Ask him questions. Ask HIS opinions - you don’t have to agree with them
It simply honours him!

You wonder maybe why he doesn’t spend time with you, and that may be unanswerable, but you are commanded to honour him anyway.
So give him your time, make time for him.
Go visit him.
Phone him.
Talk to him, and let him talk to you.
Even if he doesn’t talk much, honour him anyways
Why? Because God said so!

B. Praise Him (Proverbs 27:21)

Proverbs 27:21 As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise.
People older than you deserve honour and respect
The Bible says to Rise up and bless him - brag on him - point him out as your Dad!
Like a “standing ovation” but in a much smaller way
“Thou shalt rise up before the hoary head, and honour the face of the old man, and fear thy God: I am the LORD” - Leviticus 19:32
Honour and respect towards people are part of fearing GOD!
All his life, most dads have made their children and their families more important than themselves
Well, make sure you let your father know, to you, HE’S more important than you are.
Wouldn’t that be amazing if Christian people preferred other people over themselves and were not self-absorbed and not obsessed with their own needs, but put especially putting their parents above themselves?

C. Be thankful for your parents, especially your dad

I know you probably appreciate your mom
Usually, we all can think of 100 things our Moms did to make our lives better
But your dad needs appreciation.
Just repeat it, “Thank you dad for being MY dad. Thank you for all you’ve done for me”
He rarely has anyone who ever thanks him for anything he does.

If he is still married to your Mom, thank him for showing you strong love
If he worked without complaining all his life, thank him for showing you sacrificial love
If he ever showed you how to do things with your hands, and taught you self confidence, and gave you HIS time, thank him for showing you practical love
If he ever tickled you, or told you awful dad jokes, or made you go to bed way too early… thank him, for showing you fun love!
And, if he never got any of that quite right, thank him for just being your Dad!

Just start thanking him…
Bless him. Make his day! Make him happy.
Don’t just SAY Happy Father’s Day… make it a happy day for your father!
And don’t forget to Thank God for him.

Remember that God gave him to you!
Realise you’re alive because of your father!
In your prayer time, tell God that you realise the gift your Dad was to you
How God taught you so many things through his life and successes and failures

Maybe he is passed away, take time, especially on Father’s Day to remember the good times, the good things, the fun times

D. Care for him (Matthew 15:5,6)

This is genuine honour and respect.
Care about your Dad’s well-being.
Care about his needs.
Genuine honour will always cost you.
“But ye say, Whosoever shall say to his father or his mother, It is a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; And honour not his father or his mother, he shall be free. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition” - Matthew 15:5,6
So many people in Jesus’ day were hiding their money in religious investments, instead of in taking care of their parents’ needs, leaving their parents to themselves
Jesus was furious with them for that!

E. Forgive Him

Don’t ever hold grudges with eanybody, especially with your family!
Your father probably didn’t know how to be a good Dad - probably had a rotten father too
So, let God judge him (or the Garda if need be), but do not keep a bitter spirit against him
The hardest people to forgive are those closest to you
Jesus knew that to be true when He called Judas, His “friend” the night he betrayed Him
Listen to it described in Psalms 41…
Psalm 41:9 Yea, mine own familiar friend, in whom I trusted, which did eat of my bread, hath lifted up his heel against me.
Forgive does not mean to trust them right away, but it means you cannot live in judgment of them, and in bitterness towards them
It means you are seeking reconciliation, not condemnation
There can be NO ONE you have not forgiven for anything they have done against you - especially your father!
I know it is hard, but it is the secret to freedom in you, and a change in your father!

F. Pray for Him

If your father is alive, is his name on your prayer list?
“I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty” - 1Timothy 2:1,2
So you need to pray for your dad.
You need to pray for his stability and his sanity, too many men are committing suicide.
Maybe even fast for him, because you do not know what he is carrying, and what HEARTACHES and failures weigh heavy on his heart, because normally men know that they are a mess.
But they don’t live in that awareness because they’ve got a job to do, because they’ve got mouths to feed, because they have bills to pay.
Pray for your dad because who else will?

IV. Why does it matter?

A. There is a high cost of NOT honouring your father

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee” - Exodus 20:12
If you don’t honour your Dad, you will have a short, miserable, cursed life!
“The eye that mocketh at his father, and despiseth to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it” - Proverbs 30:17

B. Honouring your father is the foundation of all our relationships

You have no relationship with anyone if you have no respect.
So many people are slouching, unable to look in the eye, insecure, bad attitudes
Hate themselves and hate life
Usually because they never learned to honour their parents - especially their Dad
2Peter 2:10 But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and **despise government. Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities. [OF PEOPLE WHO ARE OWED HONOUR AND RESPECT]
That describes TODAY’S generation of 20-somethings!
The apostle Paul honoured and respected king Agrippa in Acts 27, even though Agrippa was ungodly and unsaved and had allowed such terrible mistreatment of Paul in prison.

C. It benefits the person giving the honour and respect.

God actually promises to give YOU long life. YOU benefit from humbling yourself, and honouring your father like god said to!
I believe with all my heart, If you do not honour your mother and your father, you will have a short life, you are cursed.
Disrespect CURSES you.
And that is sad.

D. It overcomes bitterness and satanic oppression IN YOU.

Humbling yourself in doing what God says do, always, always, empowers you enough to resist the devil.
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” - James 4:7
So if there’s bitterness in your heart in any way, the only way to overcome that bitterness is to submit to God’s way of handling the hurt, and find a way to honour and still respect the person who hurt you. Maybe not totally, but to some degree!
And the only way to get free from demonic, and satanic oppression in your thought life and in your heart, is by honouring and respecting, and forgiving, the person who hurt you.

E. It keeps God first in our lives

We are supposed to honour our fathers for God’s sake.
Not for our father’s sake primarily.
And that obedience keeps God Almighty in charge of even your attitudes!

V. Now, what if your father failed you?

Find me a father who hasn’t deeply failed their family to some degree?
What if he hurt you? What if you have terrible memories?
The world says “you do not have to honour someone who hurt you.”
But that is a lie.
You better start to stay with the Bible and not go with the world’s philosophies.
Because your social media is full of wrong philosophy that will damn your family.

A. Honour does not pretend abuse or failure didn’t happen

It just makes sure that your dad knows… that he’s your dad still.

B. Honour never minimises the past

It just does not let the past determine what you do.
A Christian does what God says do.
Not what his heart tells him to do.

C. Honour is not an agreement or approval of your father’s actions

David honoured king Saul. Even when in danger!
1 Samuel 24:7-9 So David stayed his servants with these words, and suffered them not to rise against Saul. But Saul rose up out of the cave, and went on his way. David also arose afterward, and went out of the cave, and cried after Saul, saying, My lord the king. And when Saul looked behind him, David stooped with his face to the earth, and bowed himself. And David said to Saul, Wherefore hearest thou men’s words, saying, Behold, David seeketh thy hurt?
“The LORD judge between me and thee, and the LORD avenge me of thee: but mine hand shall not be upon thee” - 1 Samuel 24:12
David was honest about Saul’s wrongs.
David did not pretend Saul was behaving right.
But he still honoured Saul as his king.
He was not going to bring any harm to him.
And you had better believe that it was hard on David to do that.

D. Correction can be done correctly

Jethro corrected Moses with proper honour
Exodus 18:13-17 And it came to pass on the morrow, that Moses sat to judge the people: and the people stood by Moses from the morning unto the evening. And when Moses’ father in law saw all that he did to the people, he said, What is this thing that thou doest to the people? why sittest thou thyself alone, and all the people stand by thee from morning unto even? And Moses said unto his father in law*, Because the people come unto me to enquire of God: When they have a matter, they come unto me; and I judge between one and another, and I do make them know the statutes of God, and his laws*.
“And Moses’ father in law said unto him, The thing that thou doest is not good” - Exodus 18:17
Exodus 18:18-24 Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone. Hearken now unto my voice, I will give thee counsel, and God shall be with thee: Be thou for the people to God-ward, that thou mayest bring the causes unto God: If thou shalt do this thing, and God command thee so, then thou shalt be able to endure, and all this people shall also go to their place in peace. So Moses hearkened to the voice of his father in law, and did all that he had said.
It is a sin to constantly criticise

A Christian is commanded to edify and to use building words, not tearing downwards.
“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” - Ephesians 4:29
It shows grace, not anger, judgement, condemnation to those who probably deserve it
When you see your dad do right, or live right.
And if you see good things in your dad and you see him sacrificing his time, his wants for others, and especially for you…
Honour him. Even though he is flawed, and often unworthy of praise.
When you honour your dad, you are actually participating in helping God help your dad to change. To be a better man

Correct your father privately

When you attempt to correct your father, who has failed you, or failed the family, or is living wrong.
You need to do it gently, respectfully, specifically tell your dad how he has hurt you and how he has failed you, but with one desire… and that is seeking to restore the relationship.
Not finish it off forever.
Not hurt him back.
Be honest with him. But honour him still.
Any truth spoken in contempt, is still contempt. And it is rude.
And it never helps.

You have the freedom to point failures, but you do not have the freedom to dishonour

Did you hear me? I will repeat that.
You are free, and it is right to point out the wrongs that your father has done.
But you are never free to dishonour them.

E. Examine your own heart and the choices that YOU have made

Often when we’ve been hurt by our parents, we usually make bad situations worse.
Ww need to look at ourselves and beg God to help us do the opposite of what our heart and emotions and feels want!
It is a sin to become bitter towards anybody. (Hebrews 12:15) Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;
It is a sin to seek to hurt someone who hurt you back. (Romans 12:19) Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
So stay away from extremes.
God is not asking you to blindly trust your dad again, and he definitely is not asking you to totally sever your relationship.
He is commanding you to honour and respect him as your Dad

F. Honour can help and change your father. THIS IS THE BEST PART

Unlike criticism and rudeness.
Too many women think that by nagging and being rude and disrespectful and not honouring their husband, that they will finally change their husband.
It never happens.
So do what God says do, which is to be meek, and quiet, and reverence your husband.
Deal with him when he does wrong, but do it privately, do it right.
And watch the change, because God is at work.
God resists you, ladies, every single time you fight with your husband, and he resists you ladies and gentlemen, every time you fight with your parents.

G. Make honouring your father a discipline - a regular habit!

Even if your father has passed away… you still have a memory - honour Him
Respect is a right way of thinking and acting.

I had to learn this - I think most people have to learn this!
Do not wait for a feel before you do.
Practice honouring, until you feel it.
Even if it never comes, you still do it because God is worthy of obeying.
Forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling, and it must be repeated 70 times 7, doesn’t it? Well, so also is honour.
The person who waits for a feeling of admiration before they give honour, will usually wait forever.

You do this because the devil must be defeated.

Not invited into your relationship.
Because he’s a liar, and he’s a murderer.

Your dad is not required to be a superhero before you honour him as a superhero.
The person who gives honour, where they just listen, where they speak building and respectful words, where they actually provide for the needs of their father, Where they care about their father’s feelings and needs, where they stand in their presence, and all children should be taught that.
They will usually discover over time that your dad or any authority over you will soften.
And will change for the better.
Because you are showing grace, you WILL see change in your Dad.
Because that is the work of grace that changed and saved YOU, if you have been born again yourself!

VI. Conclusion

It’s Father’s Day - all over the world!
Ask God to change your heart towards your Dad - to turn your heart towards him, so that God can turn HIS heart back right towards you and maybe even towards God before it is too late!
Make it a way of life
And Dads… you had better realise just how priceless grace is towards sinners like us